So here it is. My life. There wasn’t really time to plan ahead; I didn’t know what I was doing then anyway. Any plans I might have made would have seemed pretty silly when I looked back on them. Maybe I wrote up scores of detailed itinerary - I don’t remember much from back then. I guess things were simpler before, but apparently nothing happened memorable enough to take up any space in my mind.

Besides, like I said: during my stay here, I’ve changed. Several times. The world is bigger than just me, and I think that, perhaps, back then, I hadn’t realised that. Nowadays, I think it’s the source of my energy, my inspiration; the drive that I have is motivated by the fact that the World is bigger than just me, and I really want to tell it what I’m up to.

Nineteen years in, and a lot has happened, but most of it is still to start. What’s scary is that the man holding the starting gun, the guy whose responsibility it is to set that ball rolling: that man is me. Which is easy, when you’re not the one running the race. When you’re not the ball. But this race, that I am running, it’s a one-man challenge; I’m just trying to beat my own record. It’s a flimsy record - in fact, it’s pathetic. But I’m too proud to gradually improve, a few seconds each time round. I want to run the circuit just once and make the best time anyone could ever dream of.

I guess what I’m saying is, my arm is getting tired, holding up this starting gun, asking myself when will I pull the trigger. My legs are getting tired, standing here at the top of this hill, hands sometimes pressed up against the ball, considering, considering, now?, and sometimes tight against my eyes because the view below is so scary. It’s a long way down to that promising haven I can make out.

I guess what I’m saying is, I want to get on with it, now. And while sometimes it rains, and the track is too dangerous to run on, or something obstructs the path and I’m scared, I could crash, I could hurt someone… sometimes there are clear days when there’s nothing but that little haven, that record to break, and I know that the only thing that stops me, is me.

And - because you’ve totally misunderstood what I’m saying so far - I find that very, very comforting.