A pretty awkward ambition has picked me. I love the way that I feel about film, but what an impossible terrain to want to enter. Why don’t I want to write? I can do that. Why don’t I want to play music? I can do that. Why don’t I want to make web sites, or design CDs or write adverts? I can do those. And I want to do most of those, but what I really want to do, what I want to plan for and wake up ready to do and feel so incredibly proud of when it’s all over, what I want to do is make my films.

And I’m not complaining that this is what I want to do, or even that it’s hard. That will make it all the more satisfying when I finally get there. But right now, every so often, I feel so utterly helpless; like time is running out so quickly, and I’m wasting it - and not by being lazy, or by dodging opportunities, but because I can’t go any faster, I can’t make things work for me any better. I am clinging to the edge of a precipice and all of my strength goes to making it to the top, to clambering over the edge, but I

am

weak.

And where does that leave me?

Hanging over something terrifying.