Archive for November, 2008

Occupation/education/etc. Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

For those who are interested, a little update on my academic and professional lives:

I’m making what you might call a diagonal move - both upwards and sideways - within Oxfam, transferring from an administrative position in International HR to a more responsible position in communications. When I began my Open University course (this year: Social Sciences) I anticipated making a career move either towards media and communication or towards humanitarian work. Now that I’ve got a job in comms, a degree in International Studies - as I had originally intended to study for - seems a touch irrelevant. I studied media in school and, although I’m saying so myself, I was a fucking prodigy at it. It is also, as no doubt most of you know, my passion, hopeful filmmaker that I am.

So now I’m planning to work towards a BA (hons) in Social Sciences with Media Studies. And I’ll be earning an additional £3k a year as I do it.

In June, I’ll be studying for my final submission for this course, looking for a new home and looking for a new job, since my current tenancy and work contracts terminate in the middle of next year.

June is gonna be fun!

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Nice vs. Nasty Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

I hate conflict. Far more than that, I don’t like upsetting other people. I suppose most people feel this way. But I’ll let it go too far. I’ll lie to people that they haven’t upset me to save them embarrassment and guilt. Perhaps you’d call it cowardice. I honestly don’t know whether I’m being generous or timorous, but I wish it wasn’t me. It is one of the things I most dislike about myself.

So, to the cause of this introspection. You may remember him from a previous moan: my housemate Lew. Today I simply wanted to ask him, “at what point in your upbringing did somebody imply to you that it’s acceptable to be rude and insulting and constantly critical of other people?”

But of course I didn’t.

Being averse to upsetting people is nice. Being averse to upsetting people who make a point of upsetting you is just suicidal.

I did prevent myself from smiling amicably at any of the numerous jibes he made about me tonight. You’ll be surprised that I find this difficult to do - not because he’s funny when he tells me how shit my cooking is, or criticises every element of my lifestyle, or mocks my voice, my tastes, my friends, everything about me - but because my instinctive reaction to somebody trying to be funny - regardless of whether they succeed - is to smile. It’s just polite; it’s just nice. He picked up on this, because - and I think this is generally the case with others too, only I’ve let him go further than he probably dares with other people - he’s so very used to getting away with being rude and cruel and lofty. And he asked, “have I said something to offend you tonight?”

I don’t know if I was about to answer “yes”. Regardless, he made an addendum that seemed to prompt my shyness, or my cowardice, or my niceness, or whatever infuriating mental condition it is that keeps me from speaking out to people who truly need to be spoken out to, to take control. He said, “Have I said something to offend you tonight - more than usual?”

Honestly, to that I could only answer, “no”.

No more than usual.

Being averse to upsetting people is nice. Being averse to upsetting people who make a point of upsetting you is just suicidal.

Posted in Personal • No comments