Those of you who keep an eye on Katie + Kin (and I think probably everybody else too) will already know that Katie and I broke up a few weeks ago. I’ve been trying to figure out how to address it here, but I’ve been so busy:
In the last few weeks I’ve joined a brass band and a capoeira club. I’ve helped start a playreading group. I’ve grown sideburns. I’ve been to Felixstowe, Reading and London (twice), and booked a trip to Amsterdam. I’ve cooked tofu. I’ve bought distressed jeans (what was I thinking? And how come they look so right?) and Microsoft Word for Mac (what was I thinking?). I’ve met people from Mexico, Thailand and South Africa. I’ve been out just about every day of the week, every week. I’ve been stranded in Clapham and danced the train to a town called Nunhead with a traveling busker named Leroy. I’ve broken the law twice. I’ve played the piano for the first time in a year. (When I move house in June, she’s moving in with me, and my glockenspiel and my trumpet.) I’ve dreamed of things I’d forgotten for years; things I realise I’m lucky not to have lost forever. Stories and pictures; sounds and ideals and meanings. I have, I suppose, woken up.
Breaking up a four-year, amazing relationship is heartbreaking and devastating. I won’t patronise you by listing the adjectives; you’ve been through it, or something similar. Some things are still hard. So much music sounds of memories you half want to forget. Moments alone can amplify and feel like months, or your entire future. But, ultimately, Katie made the right call. We’ve both changed in four years. Two and a half more years (the least we would have had to wait to be together) of change and frustration would be two and a half years too many. And breaking up has made me realise just how much I’ve been neglecting the rest of my life.
And, you know, the final strips of Katie + Kin had it right. It was a shock. Everything in the background seemed to just fade away. And I am still finding my feet; I am still figuring out where I go from here, and how. But, with time, all things heal. I’m so glad it ended with a Sunset, and a fade to black. The darkness is uncertain and scary, but I trust that another Sunrise is on its way. I think everything will be okay.
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